How To Get Over A Break Up

Break ups suck. That's pretty much all I can say about it. They suck and they make you feel the worst you've ever felt. You feel sad, and lonely, and angry, but you also feel like there will never be anything or anyone that can replace that one person. I get it, my friend, we've all been there BUT the good news is that this does not last. Now, I know what you're thinking; LOL yeah right, it may not have lasted for you, but OUR relationship was special. These next few words may break your heart but, believe me, we all think that. Let me tell you a story.

To give you the full effect of envisioning this story, I feel that providing an HD description of how my 12 year old self looked. As you close your eyes, I want you to picture a scrawny, 5'8 preteen with braces, brown hair in a low pony tail, and a pink top with yellow leggings. Yes, I know, I wasn't the hottest leaf on the branch. Anyways, THIS was the age where I met my first and now, ex boyfriend. So, we met when I was in the 8th grade. I thought he was wondrous and was the first guy I ever had feelings for. To keep a long story short, we finally began to date 2 years later. So after spending about 2 ½ years of my life disturbingly obsessing over this boy, I finally felt like I won. Unfortunately, after a good year and a half together, we broke up. In that moment, I kinda thought my life was over. He was one of my best friends, he was the one I could tell everything to. He supported me and cared for me so well. So, as one can probably imagine, having that all stripped away was absolutely heartbreaking.

STAGE ONE: SHOCK

If you are reading this and are going through a break up, welcome to the emotional trip of a lifetime. You will be going through a couple of not-so-fabulous stages throughout your journey to move on from your relationship. Presuming you may have just ended your relationship or have already passed stage one, you might have noticed that stage one is shock. The shock that they are not your partner anymore. You are coming to terms with the idea that you are now single. Maybe you're even surprised the relationship ended or that you finally gained the ability to end that relationship. Regardless of this situation, you will most likely feel shocked. This one can be tricky, because it is fairly short lived. Stage one is like the intro to a heavy metal song, you know how sometimes there's that little bit of instrumental that lasts for maybe 10 seconds then the song starts? That is stage one. Now that stage one has, probably, passed quickly, it has made room for your next trip to stage two; denial

STAGE TWO: DENIAL

Welcome to your next stop! Ah yes, denial. The part when you have just broken up and actually do not believe this is the end. Symptoms of this may include continually telling yourself "we ARE going to get back together" or "this is definitely just a break, this isn't long term". Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, but this is probably the end of your romantic relationship. Do not worry though! This stage also does not last very long. This is most likely your ugly cry stage with the used tissues EVERYWHERE and the empty ice cream containers on the floor and bed sheet being all twisted cause you haven't left your bed yet. Okay well maybe that was just me BUT the fact is, this stage does not last because your next stop approaches far faster than you'd think, so allow me to welcome you to your next stage, stage three; anger.

STAGE THREE: ANGER

Anger. You know that feeling when you're watching your favourite movie or tv show and that one character or actor just really gets on your nerves and for some reason you feel this anger under your skin. Well, you might start to get that feeling when you see, hear, or think of your ex. I know it sounds crazy that you just went from being absolutely head-over-heels in love with this person and now you just want to scream when you think about them. BUT something that is very, very important to remember during this stage is that it may not even be your ex that makes you feel this. It could really be anyone. Maybe your friends or family members that don't support or agree with how you're feeling. Maybe you're angry towards God for allowing you to feel the way you are feeling. You could even be feeling anger towards yourself for allowing whatever went down to have happened. Maybe it's what the person DID to cause your break up or maybe it's just a mix of denial and anger towards the idea of not being with them anymore. The list is endless, but in the end, you will most definitely feel anger. Symptoms of the anger stage may include irritability, ugly crying mixed with a little bit of screaming into your pillow, or even physically taking your anger out by getting a little extra boost during your gym workout. But once again, the ride continues to move on to stage four; depression.

STAGE FOUR: DEPRESSION

Now this stage is the worst in my opinion. I know I found myself stuck in this stage for the longest but everyone hangs out in a stage a little longer than others. Although depression is seen as a clinical term, in this case, it really means you will be feeling the symptoms of what depression brings. This stage may bring you feelings of sadness, anxiety, emptiness, fatigue, irritability, helplessness, restlessness, loss of interest in the things that used to make you happy, overeating or loss of appetite. This is, unfortunately, just a short list of what this stage may bring you, but it's okay, because the journey has to continue at some point! When it comes to this stage, from my experience, It sucked the most and it lasted the longest...how ideal right? But there is good news (and yes, I swear this is actually true). The good news is that you will learn SO much about yourself in this stage that you might actually gain a little more love for God and the person you are. And no, that is not selfish or self righteous, it is more needed at this time than ever. Now that you have lost someone who used to give you all that love and attention, you need to start being the one that provides that for yourself and start finding that provision in God. This stage will show you how to comfort yourself when you're sad, how to build up your confidence without having someone being your hype man, how to take care of yourself without relying on anyone else to, or maybe how to rely on God to take care of you and not other people. This stage taught me so much about myself and although it totally sucked and I could not wait to be out of it entirely, I am so grateful I did reach this stage because I now know so much about myself that I didn't before, and I kinda dig it! So, as you have actually became an ultimate-emotional-bodybuilding-warrior and have been blessed to have finished this stage, you will now be making a close end to your ride with stage five; acceptance.

STAGE FIVE: ACCEPTANCE

Now, my acceptance stage happened quickly as my ex moved forward and gained a new girlfriend pretty fast. That one can sting but does come along with acceptance. This is the time that you have accepted the fact that you are not in a relationship with this person anymore, that they are now your ex, that they are now in your past, and that you are now living life without them by your side. This stage could also take you into two directions; happy or upset. If you begin to finally accept and really understand your ex is no longer there, you might feel really happy that you're an independent, strong ass person ready to do some great things without them, or maybe you still sadly reminisce over the memories you have with them, but still know that it is time to truly move forward. Symptoms of this stage may include deleting all photos off your phone of them, removing them from social media (or maybe adding them back if it is to SOLELY be friends again), going out with friends to meet new people, or rewarding yourself as you have gotten to a stage so close to the end! I know once I had reached this stop, I felt so surprised by myself and had never felt more connected to myself, because once I got here, I fully understood that with God, I could do anything. With the people who were with me throughout the entire breakup, I learned I had people to help me get through anything, and by doing this for myself, I knew that I was loving the person I was growing to be. So, once you've gotten through accepting this change in your life, and you feel like a champ, you will travel to stage six, hopefully on a party bus, as you have reached your second last stage; disengagement.

STAGE SIX: DISENGAGEMENT

Though disengagement may have mixed definitions depending on the situation, in our situation right here, we're referring to withdrawing from certain activities or actions, or in other words...letting go! Now let's get specific here because obviously there's still some activities attached to your ex going on. Although you may not even realize it, these are subconscious activities that you are going to make yourself conscious of. This includes things like thinking about what they're doing with their lives or still missing that love you both had or looking through social media profiles to "see how they are doing". NO! NO MORE! There's a big difference between hoping they are doing well and wanting to know what stage they're at in their break up journey. And yes, I know I just called many of you guys out but I know that still happens. You cannot continue this pattern or else you will NEVER move on. So, I am making you aware of what you're doing. I'm telling you that to progress out of this stage and get to the end of this trip, you need to disengage from these habits. So you need to work on thinking about yourself, and how you're doing. That's not to say you can't still care about them as a person, but you cannot care about them like a partner. Allow yourself to put your well being first for once! Think about the stage you're at on this journey. Think about ways you can show love to yourself, not how they used to love you because the second you learn how to achieve and master this skill, you better look ahead because there's a big fat finish line in front of you. Welcome my dear friend, to your LAST and FINAL stage...stage seven; moving on.

STAGE SEVEN: MOVING ON

Congratulations. You've just completed a level of life, a break up. Whether it was your first, your last, or one of many, you just did it. You just learned to love yourself and learned how to rely on no other person to make you feel that way. You just allowed God to take care of you, and pull you through a stage in your life that totally sucked, but taught you so much. If I could hand you a medal, I would. But you don't need a medal, you need to look back, beam in your excitement and achievement, maybe do a little happy dance, and continue to look until you realize how much progress you have made as a person. Once you've done that, you'll understand the true meaning of moving on. Symptoms of this stage may include dancing to the happy music you haven't listened to in a while, going out with friends and whispering about the cute one sitting across the room after saying "don't look now but...", relaxing and taking care of yourself physically and emotionally, and soon enough, going out with someone that gives you those butterflies again.

So, well done, my friend, as we have made it through a part of life that is disguised as a "break up". We have made it through self-discovery. I thank God for your achievement, and cannot wait to see what great things He has planned for you to do next. Cheers!🎊💛